September is my favorite month. In the midwest, it has a lovely mixture of warm and cool days. The leaves of some trees turn colors. Most of all, though, I love the return of routine.
The disruption of rhythms in the summer is okay because it’s generally fun activities and family time. But 2-3 months of our community having people in and out all the time takes its toll, and I’m always eager to settle back into consistency as the school year approaches. This has been true regardless of my personal connection to school because it’s a rhythm ingrained in our culture at large. We learn the rhythm as children and most of us keep it, even without officially being constrained by the academic calendar.
As the last of summer slips by, you could just be pulled along with the current of seasonal change. My encouragement for us this month is to take some reflection time to make this transition an intentional reset.
Assess Your Present State
In order to be intentional about resetting, we must first be honest and aware of our current state. Take some time to reflect on these questions:
1) What has been life-giving in the last month? What has felt draining?
2) Which relationships feel strong and healthy? Which feel stretched thin or filled with apathy or tension?
3) What things have deepened your intimacy with God? What has just felt like a box to check?
4) How does your body feel? In what ways are you trying to resist or ignore your human limitations?
Pay Attention to Your Longings
Sometimes, we are caught up in the busyness of life, hardly noticing our desires for something more. But I think there are times we notice, yet feel like our desires are so unattainable that we try to forget them so we don’t become more discontent. This is not the life God intends for us.
In the Kingdom of God, there is flourishing. And it is our purpose on earth to bring the Kingdom of God. That includes meaningful work, but it also necessitates rest. It is filled with relationships defined by shalom– mutual good and wholeness. Our longings reveal not only that our current state is unsustainable and unintended, but that there is a reality that is better. So reflect on these questions:
1) When you have time alone with your thoughts, what are the most common longings or complaints about your circumstances that cycle in your head?
2) Who do you wish you could spend more time with because they bring you joy?
3) What types of spiritual rhythms do you want more time for?
4) What makes your body and mind feel energized?
Consider a Rule of Life
All of those above things may just make you despondent because there seems to be no way to make them happen. And I will concede that it may be challenging. Living a life that reflects God’s Kingdom is indeed countercultural. And thus, it will require sacrifice. But truly, when you embrace the type of life that flourishes within our good, God-given human limitations, you’ll wonder how you ever survived in the treadmill of our culture’s rhythms. (And perhaps, you’ll remember, you were merely surviving– not thriving!)
There are some commitments that will take longer to extricate yourself from. And others that you can’t. Parents with newborns can’t choose sleep over feeding their baby three times a night. And caring for aging parents is a God-honoring sacrifice that is physically and emotionally taxing. But there are others that you’ll have to discern for yourself, like the amount of activities in which your kids participate or the work schedule of the jobs for which you’re applying that will likely present a battle of cultural versus Kingdom values. Our culture’s values are so deeply ingrained that most of us never question the necessity of cultural norms in our schedules. It’s perhaps impossible to honestly start with a blank slate and build up our life’s habits from there. But it would serve us well to question each commitment anyway.
Author Justin Whitmel Early writes in his book The Common Rule, “Habits are how we stand up and get our hands on time. And because time is the currency of our purpose, habits are how we get our hands on our purpose. If you want to get your hands on what you know, you need to seek out the right words. If you want to get your hands on who you are becoming, you need to get your hands on habits. A rule of life is how we get our hands on our habits."
What is a Rule of Life?
A Rule of Life, an idea made popular in the early church by St. Benedict, is a way of ordering our life with balance and intentionality, in order to love God and our neighbors. Instead of making you busier and more stressed, following a Rule of Life allows you to maintain margin and have meaningful purpose behind what you choose to invest your time and energy. Instead of allowing the cultural machine to form our habits, a Rule of Life takes back control so we can become who we actually want to be– the thriving Child of God He intended from the beginning.
So I’m going to share two different ways to approach a Rule of Life for you to make this transition toward Autumn an intentional reset.
One Option
The first option is from The Common Rule by Justin Whitmel Earley, which I highly recommend reading for a fuller understanding of these concepts. Here’s the fly-by:
Earley argues for daily and weekly habits that balance more introspective Love of God with external Love of Neighbor (which is also a way to love God). Similarly, he balances habits of “embracing” and “resisting.”
For daily habits, he suggests
1) Kneeling prayer three times a day. This would be a version of Prayer of the Hours which you can read about in this post.
2) Eating at least one meal with other people every single day. For some of us, this happens naturally with family members. But perhaps, there are ways to be more intentional about your conversations. If you live alone or work from home, this may require more effort. Get creative!
3) One hour with your phone off. Some great times to go phoneless are the hour before bed to improve your sleep, during meals to help you be present both to others and to your actual food consumption, and the first hour you’re awake so technology isn’t shaping your mood for the day.
4) Bible before Phone. Similar to my last point, allowing time with God to shape your mindset and approach for the day instead of the news, social media, text messages, or emails, can make a big difference in your actual brain chemistry. Neural pathways are a wild thing, so intentional habits like this are very helpful!
For weekly habits, Earley suggests
1) Talking with a friend for an hour. This is good for mind, body, and soul.
2) Curating your media and limiting it to four hours. This is a two-parter. First, it involves making more intentional decisions on what you’re going to consume. How do you want to be formed over the long term? Second it involves limiting your consumption to four hours per week. That might be a massive cut to your current media intake. But go back to your longings. Consider how some of those could replace the amount of media (tv, social, etc.) that you’re taking in. Did you want more sleep? Boom. Here’s an extra 30-60 minutes per day.
3) Fast from something for 24 hours. Technically, fasting is replacing food with prayer. And it has unique spiritual impacts. Abstinence is a different discipline. But choose something from which to abstain, whether fasting or giving up your time-suck of choice, in order to connect with God and see life more clearly.
4) Sabbath. This is a weekly discipline of ceasing from work, both paid and unpaid, to rest and delight in God’s abundant provision. Plan ahead so you can cease from all the things that feel like work. Then plan some rest, fun, and spiritually life-giving things.
Another Option
The second option comes from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. In this book, the Rule of Life is just one chapter. His framework is also a lot more of your own brainstorming. So if you like having clear guidance, try Earley’s. But if you want to pair down your commitments and think through it more on your own, you might like Scazzero’s. He tries to keep his four categories in relative balance. When one starts to get much fuller than the others, it’s a sign to him of unsustainable rhythms in which something must go. His Rule is also more iterative, so you’ll want to reevaluate 2-3 times a year– which I think is a really healthy discipline.
Relationships: These are relationships you want to be intentional in prioritizing. It’s not that you won’t ever spend time with people not on this list. But these get the bulk of your effort and energy. Who would you not want to go a month without having quality time? Consider these categories:
-Family members
-Christian community/peers
-Christian mentorship (whether that’s a mentor for you or someone you’re trying to help)
-Friendships
Work: This includes your job, but also organizations, marathon training, or other life responsibilities to which you are committed. It’s easy for this category to eat away at all your margin, throwing your whole Rule of Life off balance.
Rest: God made all things good. And as part of the good way He made humanity, we need rest. Our human limitations are a good thing. A restful life is one with margin. Margin is three-dimensional– time, energy, and mental/emotional capacity. When you don’t have margin, it’s hard to fall asleep because your mind won’t stop cycling. When you don’t have margin, it’s hard to be present with your friend because you’re watching the time to get to the next thing. When you don’t have margin, it’s hard to be patient with your kids because you’re so emotionally worn thin that you’re constantly on the verge of snapping. A few ways to consider adding rest and margin into your Rule of Life:
-Sabbath
-Put a hard cap on work hours
-Plan an hour of no tasks or tech before bed each night
-Limit how often you travel
Time with God: Technically, Scazzero calls this category “Prayer” but I think Time with God is more accurate. Think through your daily, weekly, and monthly rhythms that help develop your relationship with God. When you assessed your present state, were there things that felt like a check box that you can replace with something more fruitful? For example, if a Bible study feels like homework, consider Lectio Divina (a prayerful Scripture meditation discipline). Or if your Sunday service liturgies feel dead, try learning about why your Church does them so you can see the deeper meaning and beauty behind them.
Your Turn
You’ll probably want to set aside some time for these reflections (perhaps in that hour of margin before bed?). But by assessing your present reality, allowing your longings to be heard, and making a plan, you can take hold of your habits and become the person you want to be. It won’t be easy or without cost, but it will be freeing.