I’m working alone right now. My kids are elsewhere. I’m sitting in my living room in “silence.” Except it isn’t silent. I hear the sound of a car driving by and the constant hum of appliances and air conditioning. The ticking of a clock. The sound of my own fingernails clicking as I type. 

Our brains hum like this, too. They’re filled with constant noise. Whether you choose noise like music or podcasts so you don’t have to hear your thoughts, or you’re always thinking about to-do lists, the conversation you had last night, or the show you’ve been watching, it’s nearly impossible to experience silence and stillness of the mind and body.

Indeed, for most people it takes hours of intentionality to get to that point. 

The Need We May Not See

We are used to the never ending movement and hum of life. In fact, we are so used to it and out of touch with our bodies that we don’t even realize the levels of fatigue and restlessness we feel are not normal. They are a modern problem that has been building for a long time. The invention of the electric lightbulb changed history and took the flaunting of circadian rhythms to the next level. We can pursue productivity and recreation at all hours of the day and night. It’s no surprise that college students often get sick as soon as winter break arrives. And many of us don’t have breaks like that built in so our bodies just fight and fight to keep up until an injury or sickness finally forces us to rest. On the one hand, this is a good argument for the weekly rhythm of sabbath. On the other hand, we may need a harder reset to heal us before Sabbath can sustain us. 

Retreating to Reset

Silent retreats are a way of getting away with God in a harsh break from our normal routines. Instead of 15-45 minutes with God as a piece of your busy daily rhythms, a retreat of silence is taking an extended time to (1) bring everything before God, (2) receive rest and healing, and (3) leave with a deeper sense of God’s nearness and involvement in your life. This can happen with varying lengths of retreat time– from a half day to a week are common– and with varying amounts of retreat guidance utilizing a spiritual director or written guide. 

Let’s consider two types of people giving a silent retreat a try.

Two Hypotheticals

#1 | The Tired Parent

A tired parent has had no consistent time with God in ages. Between work, kids’ school activities, and her youngest interrupting most attempts at Bible reading in the morning, she’s in a dry season and desperate for some connection to her Lord. A friend recommends she try the Resting & Receiving Silent Retreat. It’s a half day, so if her husband will solo parent on a Sunday, she can go after church and be back by dinner. She decides to try it. 

She buys the retreat, reads the facilitator’s notes so she knows how to prepare, and picks a state park nearby. 

On the day of her retreat, she drives to the park, grabs her lunch and the retreat content and sits on a bench. Following the retreat guide, she spends some time jotting down things she doesn’t want to forget to do later and some things about which she’s been anxious. Then she sits with God. But it doesn’t feel like it. She can’t get her mind to turn off. She wonders if that’s a prerequisite. After a while, she decides to go for a walk, using one of the prayer exercises in the guide. She stops to eat her lunch, enjoying the sounds of the birds and the sight of squirrels chasing each other. She’s beginning to feel a little less harried. At some point, she opens up the guide again and encounters God through lectio divina. The ability to soak in the Scriptures without her preschooler interrupting feels so refreshing. But she also somehow feels a wave of affection for her child, as well. She begins to walk again, meandering trails and talking to God. In the silence, she begins to sense a repeated theme, and using the discernment questions in the guide, she comes to the conclusion that it’s likely God’s encouragement to her. She feels seen and grateful. And she wonders why she doesn’t take 6 hours away more often! Her alarm goes off, alerting her that it’s time to head home, and she does so eager to share with her husband about the renewed intimacy with God and changes she wants to make to her rhythms. 

#2 | The Curious Small Group

A church small group has been studying the life of Jesus. They’ve noticed how He often goes away to pray in solitude. One of them heard a podcast recently on the discipline of solitude and sent it to the group. Another member learns about the Exploring Silence and Solitude Group Retreat, and they agree to try it and see what happens. Frankly, the group has a few people skeptical for different reasons. One has never felt good at praying so this feels like a big ask. Another is skeptical that silence and solitude are even a good idea because how do you know if you’re just making stuff up or if something is actually from God? And another just hates to be alone with her thoughts so it feels super intimidating. But they’re willing to take a risk with their community.

The group leaders check out the facilitator’s guide, deciding to split it between each other, and they happily realize that even as facilitators, they will all still get to spend the time in solitude and no one has to miss out. They take a poll on where to do it and decide they’ll meet at someone’s house who lives near a park. That way, they have access to bathrooms and trails.  

The day arrives. Everybody brings a sack lunch, and the leaders pass out the retreat boxes. They start in on the group content to learn about how to seek God in the context of silence and solitude. The Bible study time is encouraging and one of the group members who was skeptical feels a little better about some of his concerns after seeing a wide variety of examples in Scripture of God communicating both miraculously and in mundane ways. They move into a more open discussion about some discernment questions in the guide and their personal hesitations with the idea of “hearing from God.” The group bonds deeply as people admit why they have some fears around it and others get to share some really cool experiences they’ve had. After singing worship and soaking worship, the group takes a stab at communal listening prayer. They all feel like they’re out on a limb together. To their surprise, God ends up putting similar imagery and verses on three different people’s minds! They talk about how what it might mean for their group. From here, they feel encouraged and ready to jump into the silent portion of the day. Even those who entered skeptically are feeling cautiously optimistic. 

Group members head out in all directions. Eating lunch in silence helps them ease into solitude. One member finds that the hardest part for him is being present instead of thinking about all of the stressors in his life. But practicing the Body Scan and the meditation on Psalm 46:10 are really helpful in grounding him to the moment, both physically and mentally. A woman in the group is anxious about listening for God’s voice. She’s afraid to be the only one who can’t “hear something.” It’s hard to get past this until finally in the third “Cycle” in the retreat guide, she tries imaginative listening prayer and feels God’s presence super tangibly. This brings her to tears as she feels profoundly seen by Jesus for the first time. One of the group leaders is really excited about the silent portion because he knows he is task-oriented in his life and longs for more stillness with Jesus. He forces himself to stop walking trails and tries the stillness exercises as he sits under a tree. He realizes he’s tapping his knee and laughs at himself. After taking a big breath, he begins to watch a bird, wishing he knew anything about birds. But he pays attention and is amazed by God’s attention to detail and endless creativity in creating unique aspects to each creature. 

The group comes back together for dinner. Whether it was something they sensed from God or just feeling like God gave them permission to enjoy a good nap, everyone feels refreshed and like they really did spend the day in God’s presence. Stories are shared. People are encouraging one another and laughing at the overlap in their awkward moments throughout the day. They hope to make this an annual tradition.  

What’s Stopping You?

The discipline of silence and solitude is challenging, a little awkward, and deeply formational in the best way. A silent retreat is the type of thing you do and then question, “why don’t I do this more often?!” Find a state park or a retreat center (many of which are free or cheap) near you and try it out for yourself with one of these retreat guides!